The pain, so incredible, drops me to the floor. I curl up in the fetal position, submitting to the sledgehammer pounding in my head. I close my eyes, to keep the sharp blades of light from entering in. I slowly pull a blanket over my head to hide in the darkness. I can’t go on this way.
I writhe in pain. It slithers through my nervous system, starting at my head, working its way through my body. I am helpless, powerless against the searing pain.
Lowering myself to the floor, I claw and drag myself across the room to the only chance of relief. My hands shake as I fumble the bottle and drop the lid. Unable to steady my nerves, I drop the bottle as pills scatter everywhere. I collect enough of them to swallow and collapse back on the floor.
There’s a place where the unconscious meets the conscious for a brief moment.
I drift from consciousness. Not completely. My mind soaring through purple clouds and a deep blue sky. I feel as though I’m on a trip through a psychedelic dimension. A brief period between asleep and awake, where the world is in a state of dissolution.
I’m experiencing a cognitive shift. I feel as though I’m watching myself in an alternate life.
This is madness, and yet, exhilarating!
Its like living in a cotton candy world where the trees are lollipops and the grass is a sea of green gum drops. A world where one can ride on the wings of butterflies and have in-depth conversations, with unicorns, about nothing, and everything in-between.
Delusional and loopy, I wander aimlessly on pink and purple clouds, where the sun is a burnt orange with brown spots dotting its surface. I stare at it aimlessly. It doesn’t blind me, rather it draws me into an endless melting vortex.
I’m high; flying through another dimension. The hallucinations are so real, I can reach out and almost touch them. The clouds look like darkly toasted marshmallows. I float across the ground, my feet barely touching. I have no awareness of where I am.
I look back to see where I’ve been, but only see a man, lying down, prostrate on the ground. He seems vaguely familiar. Oh well. It matters not. I’m in a world where my dreams are reality.
I slide further and further into this psychosis. The images and hallucinations before me begin to morph and bleed into blurred images.
Suddenly I awaken. My mind stabilizes and I’m aware of my surroundings again. I’m no longer lying on the floor. I find myself wandering through the grocery store. How did I get here?
The pain is gone. The hallucinations and alternate reality is a vague, distant memory.
Life’s doldrums, envelope my soul once again.
I … am numb.