Photo by Alan Zaugg
Life – a peculiar journey.
Even while I type this… I struggle to find the words to express how I feel. Life has been a bit of an oddity, of late. Oddity? Yeah, that’s a good word. It describes my life, my world, ultimately… ME. I suppose I’m a bit of an oddity, an abnormality, eccentric, a misfit.
I struggle with a great many things. We all do. Some, more than others and on a much grander scale. You never know what lies behind the mask of someone. A smile, a token, a look, cannot always depict what lives beneath. Some bury it deep within, while others wear it close to the surface. Each finding a way to cope.
My recent discoveries, or… adventures, have shed light into my own mortality or frail existence.
The sudden death of a co-worker at the young age of 57. Simple. A person who wasn’t known on a deeply personal level, yet a reminder of the borrowed time on which we live. A reminder, that life could change dramatically in a single moment.
Perhaps the diagnosis of a rare non life-threatening ailment, that will change the way someone is used to living for the rest of his life. Simple. Nothing risky or of significance. However, it is a reminder that mortal life is but a small moment in the fabric of time. A moment where we develop relationships, learn to appreciate, deal with pain, experience joy, and so much more.
I’m rambling, yes. But sometimes ramblings such as this, soothe my troubled soul and allow me to cope.
This post is different from any other I’ve created. It’s real. It’s vulnerable. I’m vulnerable. I’m coping. I’m surviving. It’s what I do. It’s what we all do. We are survivors. Whether it’s a life threatening, life altering situation, a simple argument with a loved one, an illness or a broken heart. We survive the day in hopes of finding comfort in the new dawn.
Even now, after I’ve chosen my words selectively, written them here, and read them over, I still find them rather hollow. I cannot express, completely, what is processing through my mind daily. It’s unfathomable. My brain houses countless thoughts and stories, that sorting them perfectly would take an eternity. This is why I write. It becomes a way to channel some of these thoughts and stories.
To echo what I said above, life is a peculiar journey. One cannot take anything for granted. Just when you think, “it can’t happen to me,” it does. Subtle reminders, a little poke here, a little smack in the face there, and we are brought back to the reminder of our frail, mortality.
And so it is with me…
My reality, my mortality.