I’m at a point now… I might decide to leave all of social media permanently. My Instagram is gone for good, can’t bring it back. My Facebook has been deactivated since January. All that’s left is my incognito Twitter account. Might be time. There’s nothing there for me anymore.
Honestly, life outside of social media is lackluster as well. I have some friends I hang out with sometimes; outside of that, I spend most days alone. It’s probably best that way. For the foreseeable future. I’m alone. I’m lonely AF. Such is my lot right now.
I’m learning to humbly accept what is presented to me. I’m broken, I’m beaten. It’s time I face it.
I’m in a better frame of mind than I was a year ago. I went backpacking this last weekend. We went on a hike that took us to a 2000 foot drop. I didn’t go closer than 6 feet from it. A year ago? I’d have considered my options. I’m me again. For the first time in all my life, I’m a good me.
Still didn’t change the fact that I’m lonely. My daughter lives with me, but I’m pretty much alone and it isn’t my choosing either.
Part of me feels like I deserve this for all the hurt I’ve inflicted on others. Yet, I know that isn’t necessarily true either. I forgive myself. I am forgiven. I am just starting over and I don’t know what to do.
On a similar note, I am working with my religious leader on what I can do to be an official missionary in a service mission for my church. Maybe that will help.
I really want to share my joy and happiness with someone. I just have no one. So I live joy and happiness alone. Sigh
Thanks for listening.
The writings of a Jedi 