It’s Happening

Ok, second of two posts. Short one.

I’m getting married! She’s a wonderful and amazing woman. I owe her so much.

She’s patient, forgiving, compassionate. She sees the good and potential in me and brings out the best in me.

I’ve loved before. Never like this. I’ve had some wonderful women in my life who have taught me so much. None like her.

My love. My wife. My eternal companion.

I’m 50 years old. It’s been a long 50 years of learning and growing. Here’s to the next 50.

On to the next chapter in my life.

It happened… Again

This is the first of two posts. Updates if you will

First, the vulnerable truth.

I had thoughts again. Last Saturday night. I weighed my life, considered my options, and knew what I want.

I was on my way home from my fiancee’s house. It had been a rough day. I won’t bore you with details…

Before I say this next part, let me make it clear – I have a wonderful woman in my life. She’s everything I want and need in my life. She’s everything He wants for me.

No issues with her whatsoever.

Now that I’ve said that…

On my way home that night, I considered driving off the overpass of the highway I was on. It was a very clear and concise thought. Then, thoughts of my son and daughters, but especially my son, flooded my mind. Also my love. I think of her every day. She is constantly on my mind.

I made a choice to live.

I am struggling with finances, drowning. I see no end and no relief. I hope I don’t lose my house. However, I have to control what I can control.

I wanted to die, but I want to live. Life is precious. My family needs me. My fiancee needs me.

I’m not going anywhere. Doesn’t mean I won’t weigh my options.

I choose, right now, to live.

Eternal

Love...

It isn't always what you think or expect
Love is not earned
It isn't deserved
Love is free

You don't fall in or out
You grow with it
You are love
Love is you

He loves you. 
He loves me.
He is my rock.
He is my support.
I'm His son.

I know who I am

I'm happy. Love fills me.
I'm safe. I'm healthy.
For the first time in my life
I'm good with me

I met her and never expected where it would lead me
We've grown together
We are a partnership
No lies, no misleading, no misconceptions

She loves me for exactly who I am
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Unconditionally. No judgement.
She sees me. She understands me.

I never thought I would be here.
The road has been hard.
I haven't given up
I worked on me
Worked hard.

There were lots of tears
Pleadings to Him
Conversations with Him
Self evaluations
Reflections

I swore I would not love again
Accepted myself
Acceptance. That was it.
...Until she came into my life.

Now...
She's here.

Now begins the journey
Together
For eternity
Finally I see
Finally I hear
Finally I understand

Eternity. 
A long time to grow.