It’s hard to reign in uncontrollable emotions. Difficult to capture what cannot be explained. I know. I fight it. Monsters. Demons. Shadows that drape themselves over my mind. The desire for relief takes me down troublesome paths. My mind is a causeway of ridiculous traffic. My soul is a murky, black puddle, a dark abyss. There is light. Trust me. It’s there. It has shined through at times. I have felt it. Him. I have seen Him. I know He is there. And then, the shadow comes again, hides His face from me. I can still feel His love, but it begins to be drowned out. It weakens, or my ability to feel it, weakens. What comes so easily for some, not so much for me. The battle is oft times a stalemate. I oft find myself face to face with my demon. He scoffs at me. Offers me a mask. Tells me he will go easy on me. And then rips my heart out and drapes my soul in madness.
Yet, what gives me strength through all of this? Knowing that no matter how much energy he puts into the disparaging of my soul, he can’t take away the one thing I hold dear… My undying, unconditional love for mankind and my unwavering love for Him. I stumble. I travel down the demon’s dark paths. I feel his lashings. Yet my joy and my spirit lives because I see other’s lives touched. Because I see other’s unmatched joy. I celebrate the success of other’s while he continues to rip at my insides. He may drag me to hell… but he can’t have anyone else. I’ll make sure of that. My demons. My battle.