If you know me, you know what the title of this is in reference to. Even if you don’t truly know me, if you love Star Wars, you know what it is. If not, search the number “3263827″ and the word “Star Wars” on YouTube. You’ll chuckle. It’s a famous line.
At first, the purposeful title was nothing more than an intentional reference for kicks and giggles. Then I remembered the quote and realized it fits the subject of my thoughts today.
I haven’t written much (creatively, fiction) in recent months. It’s no secret. I’ve said it here. The reasons have varied but, of late, the main one is that of priorities. Two reasons for those priorities – many unfinished projects that required my attention and the need for escape. I’ve buried myself in those projects as a means of distractions or coping methods for my own sanity. I’m not so much referring to a situation or environment as more my state of mind.
The idiom, “own worst enemy,” applies very much to me.
Anyway, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. For the last three weeks, I’ve tediously and furiously worked to complete a fire pit, incidentally the crowning piece of my backyard landscape. It’s required the entirety of my mental faculties as well as draining my physical energy. Oh, I also discovered I’m O.C.D. about the whole damn thing.
I’ve spent my mornings working, pushing the time right up against my work schedule. Then when I clock out at 10 PM, off I go to a friend’s house to help him hang drywall to midnight and some nights beyond, only to begin the cycle all over again. Don’t worry, I’m good. Just exhausted. Add to that my promotion at work and the additional duties and challenges associated with it, and I have hit overload on a couple of occasions. Decompression has been a frequent word and activity for me.
All this equates back to my needing that escape from my own mind and the demons therein.
I’m not complaining. Nor am I boasting. I am surviving most days, feeling accomplished on others, and some I just want to wish everything away into nothingness. Such is my mind.
Back to the number of this blog post. The quote: “Open the pressure maintenance hatch on unit number … Where are we? 3263827.” It was following a tense moment in the film. The heroes had faced insurmountable odds and certain death in a garbage compactor. It took a couple of droids to set them free by opening a hatch. The exclamation came when they realized they were saved. Relief.
But then I thought, this applies to me and really everyone who gets too overloaded with pressure, responsibilities, stress, or otherwise. We need that pressure maintenance hatch opened once in a while, to set our minds free. Even if for a moment.
Release the hatch, decompress, meditate for a few moments, or simply veg. Whatever it is, it’s okay to stop and breath for a moment. Then, you can pick right back up where you left off and go at it again.
Some days, that pressure builds and I just simply can’t release it. Most days, really. But I do take a break, go on a walk, or sometimes stare off into nothingness and it allows me to ease off that valve just a little.
We all could do with some pressure relief.
Hope you all are well. I hope to get back to fictional writing and poetry at some point, soon. In the meantime, back to the grind.
*The maintenance droid downstairs
It’s been a bit since I dropped in. Yes, I did post something 10 days ago. That was the first time in nearly three weeks and here we are.
The last couple months have been difficult on me. On all of us. Some have handled it better than others, but these have been trying times for all. Look, I won’t mince words. I’ve been in a dark place, my own mind. It hasn’t been good. I’m still here. I haven’t given up, although I’ve wanted to and considered things I shouldn’t even give credence to.
In dark times, we need some positive light to hold on to. I need it. So I’ll drop some here. I hope that by writing it down, maybe it’ll reinforce my weakened state. Then there’s the writing it down as part of cleaning out the catacombs of my brain. Perhaps it will spark motivation in you, the reader, to find something positive in your life.
Thinking… Give me a minute… Yeah, I’m considering it all as I write this. What’s a positive?
First, the most recent. I accepted a promotion at work. Something I’ve waited for for some time now. The best part, I remain right where I am. Oh and the pay is pretty good too. I will continue doing what I do on the service desk I’ve spent the last decade plus. I’ll take on more responsibility. In the end, I feel vindicated. No, that’s not the right word. I feel accomplished, rewarded for my patience and long-suffering.
Second, I’ve dropped below the 200 lb mark for the first time in 7 years (shhh, it’s a secret I’ve chosen not to speak aloud to anyone). Down near 30 lbs. That said, my body is falling apart so-to-speak. I mean I am nearing a half century. My knee(s) are not good, my shoulder… wait… this is supposed to be about the positives.
Third: I’ve almost finished landscaping the backyard (I may post pictures later). It’s been a project. I’ve all but immersed myself in it the last couple weeks which actually has provided a form of coping for me.
Fourth: I don’t know. We’ll stop at three for now. I hope there will be more to come.
What’s a positive for you? It’s a deep thinking, introspective question more than a “please respond in the comments below” question. Only you know the answer to that question.
For now, I’m content. The same word I’ve used off and on for a few months now – STABLE.
Talk to you all soon.
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